Max bit me a lot because he's Max and that's what he does.
Apricot Marmalade bit me this morning because he was provoked.
I woke up after a solid night's sleep, full of vim and vigor, and rather forgot that not everybody might have woken up to a good mood. Then as I was getting ready for work I wanted one last pet and kiss goodbye. Now he likes head kisses, so I was rather too quickly trying to coax him out of the hideaway, because I knew he'd like the result.
And then there were pawsies, and I have a weakness for white pawsies, and I got over-enthusiastic and went all grabby hands for the back paws. Well, he'd been enjoying (mostly) the coaxing up till now, and had turned over with his front paws folded down and wedged against the bed. So he didn't have front claws available to tell me to quit it when I didn't pay attention to his more subtle signals.
So he used his teeth. Actually, one tooth, and if you saw the result on my hand, you'd swear it was a cat scratch from a claw, not a bite-mark. Believe me, after Max, I know what normal bite marks look like!
I left abruptly, possibly teaching him that the way to make me go away when he wants me to leave is to bite me, but whatever. The whole incident sent me into a tailspin and I had to go to work anyway, so I went to work and had a (small) meltdown there. It took me most of the day to reason out the logical sequence of events I have described above. Mostly what I was feeling at the time was happy-to-be-with-cat and then ow-why-does-everyone-keep-biting-me? I had an irrational dread that I'd get home to find he'd turned into a Max-style cat during the day and have trashed the room and refuse to get close unless it was in order to bite me.
When I came home, it was to a sweet kitty who wanted lots of petting and rubbing and scratching and came out hardly without any coaxing at all. Although I apologized for scaring him and upsetting him and promised no more grabby hands, etc, Apricot didn't even want to listen to that; he just wanted petted. Apparently he's more resilient than I thought, or more forgiving.
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| Apricot Marmalade reaching out |
Ah, okay. Definitely the paws then were the off-limits thing I did this morning. Well, I don't actually need to be able to handle his back paws right now. He's doing a good job of keeping his back claws trimmed by himself, and it's not like I can clip front claws now either. So we will leave the back paw touching until very much later. (He's not getting out of it, though; eventually I'll work on that bit.)
He's definitely gotten into the spirit of head kisses / head bumps, though. (From my point of view, it's a kiss. From his, it's a head bump.) When I'm sitting I can't actually bend over far enough to kiss his head without losing my balance (which is frightening for him so I don't). I started by lifting him up just that last bit, just the front part of him, so I could kiss him.
He now rises up into the kiss of his own accord, sometimes a little faster and sooner than I was prepared for! That's how I know he likes head kisses.
Also, I can now brush him all over, including tail (but excluding paws--although I never brushed paws before so the omission is hardly a big deal now) and including tummy, with the actual brush. That took a few tries. The brush was a little startling and had to be investigated. But I've left it on the floor all this time, and he can interact with it on his own terms all he likes, and I think he's gotten the idea that it feels good to have the brush with the bristles against his skin. He even lets me brush him firmly, without moving away from it. He even leans into it sometimes. Every so often, though, he gets a kind of sideways almost-movement and a skittery look in his eyes, and then I stop and hold the brush out where he can sniff it and confirm that yes, it's the same brush.
Since I come in to pet him, and want him to come out to meet me, he's also getting the idea that he only comes out for petting when I'm there and if I'm there but not petting, he goes back in the hideaway spot. This is annoying but I don't see how I can change his mind. And I know that sometimes, when you're interacting with someone new to you, even if you're enjoying it, it can get overwhelming and you need to back off and be by yourself for a while.
It's not like he retreats to the middle of the headboard, either. He just goes right inside, and often leaves his head in the entryway, looking happily at me with half-closed eyes and that purr like thunder.
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| The entry way to his hidey hole is to the right. --> (that way) in case I got my lefts and rights mixed up again. |
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